Small steps

Step 1. Stop feeling guilty about not exercising and eating poorly. Admit that you not perfect, your going to be lazy at times but that’s no excuse not to start again.

Step 2. Get up off the couch and run 3.1 miles (yup that’s a 5k) up and down slippery muddy slopes, across streams, through woods and back to the lake with a fun-loving run club Thanksgiving morning before cooking turkey, potatoes, and cranberry to put on sandwiches for the next week.

Step 3. Put 6 year old who’s too tired from running her own mile race into jog stroller and race to find/catch up with the runners/walkers who started 10 the club run 15 minutes earlier because you were to consumed with getting the kid dressed, fed and settled to make it on time. Proceed to run/walk 4 miles.

Step 4. Stop eating out. Make afore mentioned sandwiches with sprouts and mustard and pair with clementines, apples, carrots or salad. Pack lunch, snacks, fill bottle with water, and tea bags to take to work at any cost.

Step 5. Admit that you need support. Finally return the call of the new Health Counselor who has been patiently trying to reach you for 4 months and confess all your bad habits and slip ups. Get reminded by a total stranger that you haven’t failed, just taken a little (probably needed) break, you have already accomplished several goals including running a 5k (something that was once an impossible task and is now somewhat routine), finishing a 10k, dropping a dress size or two, and losing 15-20 pounds.

Step 6. Feel better. Make a plan to get active at least 2 days a week, pack lunch with health foods and drink more water. Go to bed excited to start working on your goals again.

Season for Balance

I’ve lost my balance. Since returning from my sisters wedding to be overwhelmed with work chaos and falling utterly behind in all things at home, it seems that I can only function in spurts. When I have the energy I pour my heart into the matter at hand and when that energy runs out it seems I just crash and become too worn out to tackle all the challenges that need addressing. Hitting that vicious cycle of cause and effect I have let my exercise motivation slip, my eating habits rely almost entirely on fast and prepared foods, my mental focus fade into survival mode only focusing on scraping together for the immediate needs and letting everything else take the back burner.

I need my balance. Lost in the clutter of my life and my home I’ve hit the point where I need to regain my balance in order to take care of my work and family obligations, not just to bring back my health and happiness. Being a Libra I crave that fine tipping point between the chaos and the order where thing flow freely and shift readily but always within bounds. With the bounds broken I’m left scrambling too much to catch everything and keep it from falling and the futility leads to letting it all go and that never works for long.

I will find my balance. The seasons are changing again. My friend autumn, with her blustery winds, chill air, and brief rich hues reminds me that I to can change again. It’s time to let the breeze sweep out the clutter, the air invigorate my motivation, and to refocus on what is important. More to follow.

Difficult week

This week has been a difficult week for my diet. Last week I didn't go to the farmers market due to the weather and some other projects going on but I had my meals planned out and had everything I needed on hand. Since Tuesday I have found myself drained of energy as I drive home, feel so worn out but unable to fall asleep weather early or late, woken up the next morning more tired than I was the night before and that just makes for a miserable morning. Not to mention that I have had to be to work early 2 days and eat out 3 times and that threw off an already difficult schedule. So I have not eaten very much local or organic food and in my sleep deprived state I found it very hard to even keep eating healthy. I think that in the future I will need to have some frozen meals on hand to keep me from eating out when I feel like it rather than just when it is absolutely necessary. I also think that I have some sort of mental block against my cooking/freezing abilities which keeps me from craving my own home froze meals when I'm stressed; that's when I seem to want to eat out. I will post our food logs when the week is over.

Today I also got some mixed news about K. The Dr. called to say that her blood work looked fine but that because she was still failing to thrive and was having poor wt gain that we should visit a nutritionist to do some calorie counts and look closer at her diet. If that doesn't work than its time to see the specialists. Ks wt gain problem is at odds with my obesity and quest to eat lean. Its so hard for me to see her size as a problem when my sister and I were both extremely small, low wt babies and kids. I find myself wishing I had her problem. But I also try very not to project any negatives on her and her eating habits. I don't want to push food on her all the time or pressure her to do anything that she is not already inclined to do for fear of doing some harm or instilling habits in her that will not be helpful in the future. If I give her the idea that she has to eat a lot now, when she is skinny, she may carry that into her adult life, when there is not a wt problem, and that would not serve her well. I would rather teach her to eat at meal times if she is hungry.